


Ain't It Exactly What You Planned

by chaircat



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Phasma - Delilah S. Dawson
Genre: Domestic Violence, Fanart, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Scars, not between hux and kylo, sort of open ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22142161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaircat/pseuds/chaircat
Summary: General Hux recalls his childhood and relationships as he awaits some important news.PLEASE take the tags seriously.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	Ain't It Exactly What You Planned

**Author's Note:**

> **PLEASE READ THE TAGS!** I cannot stress this enough. If you are concerned about reading the work and would like to know what happens, there will be a spoilery explanation of the tags in the end notes so you can decide for yourself. I want no one hurting themselves by reading a triggering story.
> 
> With that out of the way, I must say that I wrote this story yesterday which was a really bad day for me (I'm feeling fine now) and I decided to project my childhood traumas onto Hux to cope. This is incredibly self-indulgent. If you like it, cool! If not, very understandable. I didn't work super hard on it so it may be sloppy and I apologize for that, but again, this was solely for coping. Oh, and the title is a line from Dead! by My Chemical Romance.
> 
> As always, I own nothing and this is unbeta'd.
> 
> Enjoy?
> 
> Update: I did some art for this so I added it in the story!

The General stood before the viewport, thick transparisteel the only thing separating him from what lay beyond. Stars swam in his eyes, shades of blue and violet swirling within the endless black expanse of space. Though his gaze appeared to take in the view, his mind was far away.

*

Screams, the harsh smack of skin, breaking glass. These violent sounds were a staple in the Hux household. Armitage often found himself curled in the closet of his bedroom in the hopes that he could wait out Brendol’s fury. It rarely turned out that way. Dragged by hair so much like his father’s, Armitage would be thrown out into the open. If he was lucky, Brendol would be too angry or intoxicated to hurl insults at him. He had become accustomed to the beatings at a young age and was usually able to separate himself from the present until the assault was over and he was forced to drag himself to his room and either tend to his wounds or, more often than not, pass out from the pain and deal with them later. Unfortunately, Brendol often kept his wits about him enough to rain down words harsher than the blows that preceded them.

_Useless. Worthless. Never amount to anything. Waste of space. Disappointment. Failure._

They weren’t very creative, to be honest, but they didn’t need to be. They still did the job of damaging the inside just as badly as, if not worse than, the outside.

There’s something about abuse, at least in Armitage’s experience, that instills a deep seated anger that’s nearly impossible to get rid of. Anger at your attacker, at others, at the world, at _yourself_. With very little opportunity for outlet, he often found his release through rather self-destructive means. After all, who could say whether a scar came from a glass mug shattered against his bicep by a heavy-handed father or from a knife strategically used to attract less attention?

*

The General absently ran his fingers over his uniform where he knew a scar lay beneath. It was about an inch long and pink, still raised even after almost two decades. Hux was often glad for the strict, conservative uniforms of the First Order. They saved him a lot of awkward questions. Not that he was ashamed, per se, he just wasn’t fond of reliving certain memories.

They weren't all bad, though. He thought of the first time Kylo Ren saw his scars.

*

They had been stranded on a planet together after their ship had crashed through the tumultuous atmosphere. They had been there for two days and were in desperate need of cleaning, so they found a nearby river and took turns bathing in the frigid water. As he was getting dressed, Hux heard a loud roaring sound. Ren burst through the trees to tell him that a rescue shuttle had arrived. When he caught sight of Hux, however, he froze.

Hux stood there bare except for his jodhpurs, shirt dangling from his fingertips. Ren, helmet still missing from his bath a short while ago, openly stared at his chest. Hux knew what he looked like: too-thin frame with ugly scars littering his too pale skin, slashes of silvery white and pink, large red splotches covering his left side where Brendol had swiped a pan of hot oil off the kitchen counter onto his prone form. Hux quickly held the shirt up against himself, knowing that to turn his back would just reveal more of the damage that had been done to him.

“I...I’ll be-I’ll be over there when you’ve dressed,” Ren stuttered, gesturing vaguely in a seemingly random direction before taking off. Hux sighed and quickly finished getting dressed, reluctantly following after the Knight.

They didn’t speak to each other as they made their way to the shuttle, nor on the way back to the Finalizer. Once on board, Hux quickly made his way to his private quarters, desperate for a real shower, food, and fresh clothes. Unfortunately, shortly after arriving, someone requested entrance to his rooms. Assuming it was medical, he opened the door, prepared to tell them that he’d make his way to the medical facilities on his own time. When he opened the door, however, he was met by the same helmeted face he’d planned on avoiding for the foreseeable future.

“Ren, I don’t-hey!” The Knight pushed past him into the room without a word. Hux followed after. “What do you think you’re doing?” Ren stopped in the middle of the room and spun to face him.

“Show me,” he demanded. Hux gaped at him.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Ren reached up and yanked his helmet off, letting it drop carelessly to the floor with a thud. Hux stared at it for a moment in shock before meeting his eyes. Ren stared back intently, dark hair wild around his face.

“Show me,” he repeated, voice hoarse and full of emotion without the modulator. Suddenly it dawned on him what the other man was referring to and he took a step back without thinking. His hand reached for his collar, but stopped halfway. He shook his head. Ren stepped closer, expression softening.

“It’s okay,” he said gently, less than a foot away now. “Let me see.” He reached forward slowly, giving Hux plenty of time to pull away. He didn’t.

Hux still remembers the way the Knight removed his shirt, gently and with more care than he’d ever seen the man use before. He doesn’t remember what Ren did with the shirt, but he does remember finding it next cycle folded neatly on the coffee table. Hux shut his eyes tightly, unwilling to see the expression of disgust or ridicule or, far worse, _pity_ on the other man’s face. When the silence continued to drag on with no indication of the other’s feelings, however, he forced himself to open his eyes to take in his expression, half afraid he had been abandoned.

“Well,” he asked impatiently before looking at Ren. The Knight didn’t respond, wide eyes glued to his chest. The only way Hux could think to describe the look on his face was “awe”. His eyes seemed to take him in desperately, shifting between each scar and blemish. He looked up through his lashes at Hux.

“Can I…” He hovered his hand over the oil burn. Hux nodded silently. Ren splayed his hand over the mark, causing him to gasp at the feeling. His hand was large enough that it practically hid the scar from view. The hair on Hux’s arms stood up as the warmth of his palm spread across his side. Ren moved his hand slowly, tenderly brushing over every scar on his abdomen. The feeling was incredibly intimate and he felt his body relaxing with every touch. Without being asked, Hux turned around and bared his back. He heard the other man’s sharp inhale at the sight. The burn scar, he had been told by doctors and past lovers, spanned half of his back and shoulders as they had taken the brunt of the attack. While his side was mostly red, his back had splotches of purple and brown where the most damage had been done.

“How,” Ren choked out. Hux was surprised to hear the amount of venom in his voice. He shook his head again, unable to form words at that moment. Instead, he pulled up the memory in his mind and attempted to project it in the Knight’s direction, intimately aware of his mind-reading abilities. There was silence for awhile followed by the sound of shattering glass. Hux flinched in spite of himself, hands raising defensively, and turned to see that his crystal decanter had… _exploded_ , for lack of a better word. Ren was staring at the broken glass with his fists clenched.

“Where is he?” Hux frowned at the question.

“On some pleasure planet, I would guess, enjoying some extra vacation time with his new wife.” The words tasted bitter in his mouth. Hux had worked for his cause as long as he was physically able. He would never be caught frolicking on the beach when there were battles to be won and a galaxy to be put into order. Ren nodded and made his way over to the door. Hux felt panic rise in his chest at the thought of him leaving at that moment so he grabbed the Knight’s sleeve, feeling suddenly very vulnerable.

“Where are you going,” he asked, hating the fear in his voice.

“To hunt him down and kill him.” Hux gaped at him for a moment and then pulled him back from the door. Ren allowed himself to be pulled, confusion evident. “I know he’s your father, Hux, but he needs to pay for what he did to you.”

“Oh no, I agree.” Ren looked like he was about to interrupt, so Hux gave him a look before continuing. “Now is simply not the time. He may not be the man he used to be, but he still holds power and influence. We have to plan and wait for the right time.” Ren reached out and once again placed his hand over his side, thumb stroking the textured scar tissue gently.

“If that is your wish.” He looked up into his eyes and Hux thought he saw a glint of gold in them, but it was gone before he could be sure. “But when the time comes, I will make sure he suffers.”

*

Hux let his hand fall back down to his side as he stood before the large stretch of space. Brendol had recently left the Absolution on a diplomatic mission. Ren was also coincidentally off on a mission from Leader Snoke. Hux anxiously awaited his return. While he trusted the Knight’s skills, he also trusted his Stormtrooper program and he knew that Brendol would have a small squadron with him. Brendol would also be accompanied by his trusted personal guard, Cardinal, who was a very skilled soldier. It would be a shame to lose him. _It would also be a shame to lose Ren_ , Hux thought to himself, recalling soft touches, a warm embrace, and an intense feeling of safety.

At that moment, he heard the door behind him slide open, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps and the swishing of a cape.

“It’s done,” spoke the deep modulated voice.

Hux closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

>  **-SPOILERS-**  
>  Trigger Warnings:  
> This work describes abuse Hux suffered as a child by his father, including beatings, thrown glass, and severe hot oil burns as well as verbal abuse. There is also a brief mention of self-harm in the form of cutting. None of this is extremely graphic, though the scars play a huge part and the oil burn scar is discussed heavily.  
> At the end of the story, it is implied that Kylo kills Hux's father off screen, though it can be interpreted as Cardinal killing Kylo.  
> End Trigger Warnings
> 
> So that was that! It took me two days to write and I'm not displeased with it. If you read this far, I hope you got something out of it that you were looking for. Also yes I read Phasma and am aware of ***spoilers*** how Brendol dies, ***end spoilers*** but I decided to completely ignore that. I did throw Cardinal in there for funsies, though. Thanks for being here! Come talk to me on [tumblr](https://highwarlockofphilly.tumblr.com), [twitter](https://twitter.com/xavierbeesmith), and/or my [art insta](https://instagram.com/xs_trash_art/)


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